A Captive Situation (Kings of New York)

“What the ever-loving fuck just happened?”

We drove straight to Graham and Oliver’s place, and as soon as we stumbled inside, that was what Aunt Bess exclaimed. She stopped in the middle of the living room, just a few feet from the front door, and her head was tipped as if that question was for the Almighty above.

Graham and Oliver carried Bear and Pooh into the house, immediately easing both to the floor so the two dogs could go crazy all by themselves.

Everyone else spilled inside.

I stepped to the side, dazed.

We left Jake behind. We left him behind. And Blake.

I hugged myself, wanting to ward off some of the cold that I’d been feeling since the minivan peeled out of there. We left them behind.

That wasn’t going to stop repeating in my head. It was wrong, all wrong.

Aunt Clara began moving around the brownstone, looking in the drawers and not finding whatever she needed so she moved on to the next drawer.

My mom stopped a few feet from me, her eyes worried.

The dogs were barking. Their tails wagging. They kept circling everyone.

Graham and Oliver both beelined for the liquor cabinet. They were pulling out every single bottle they had, along with the mixers. Oliver began cutting limes. Graham took a shot and grabbed some of the lime that wasn’t cut, sinking his teeth into it. He nodded emphatically, giving his husband a thumbs-up that he was cutting more slices. He made a sound, but it was muffled around the lime.

Aunt Maude came in last and stopped just inside the door. She took us all in, and shook her head, harrumphing loudly. Everyone paused in what they were doing to look her way, but she ignored us, trudging to the back door in her yellow clogs, and opened the door for the dogs. Bear and Pooh happily darted outside to do their business.

She returned, taking us all in again and shook her head again. The judgment was just rolling off her.

I snapped, fed up, “What the fuck is your problem?”

Aunt Clara and Bess both whirled my way.

My mom hissed, “Sawyer.”

Oliver and Graham paused in their drinks ministrations. A lime fell out of Graham’s mouth, plopping down on the counter.

I was done dealing with this. “Honestly. I want to know. What the fuck is your problem?” I motioned to the door. “Coming in here, having an opinion that everyone is stressed about what we just left? Who the fuck are you to judge how we should react?” She didn’t reply, but she wanted to. I saw the heat in her eyes. When she only kept that mouth shut, I rolled my eyes. “Of course you’re not going to say a thing. Why would you? It’s easier for you to be passive aggressive and say shit behind everyone else’s backs.”

She sucked in some air and shifted on her feet, her beady eyes somehow becoming beadier. “You need to watch what you say—”

That unleashed something inside of me. I didn’t even know there was still something I was holding back, but at her lecture or whatever it was, I could hear the latch being broken. The gate swung open and I was going to let frustration I held at the entire family loose on her, and I was going to enjoy it.

I opened my mouth, drew in a breath—and Graham stole the show.

He said, “She’s not wrong, Mom.”

Aunt Maude shuffled to take her son in better. “You agree with her?”

His eyes flared briefly, a shine of tears there as he grabbed an uncut lime and began to squeeze it in his hand. “She came here to meet me. Because of the rift between all of you. She wanted my help to mend this, but the way you talk to each other, it’s horrible. She didn’t know anything about me except what she learned from social media. Why is that, Mom? Is it that you don’t talk about me or that you just don’t talk to your sisters? Is it me?” He glanced at Oliver, who touched his arm, rubbing it in support. “Is it because I’m gay?”

“I—” Aunt Maude couldn’t talk. She gurgled that word out, paling.

Oliver shared a sad smile with me before looking away.

No. No!

“It had better not be because of that! Is it?”

Aunt Clara made a gargling sound before she drew upright. “It better fucking not be because of that.” She swung accusing eyes around to her sister, pinning her in place. “I mostly like women.”

Maude’s eyes were so heated. The anger was rising.

I held my breath, wanting it to keep rising. Please, please, please. She was a pressure cooker and I wanted to see her blow. Or, hell, if I were being honest, I wanted someone to blow because I had some stress. I was going to join in. A good family brawl where everything came out was the best sort of stress release. We were due. The last good one we had was the Christmas family event of 2013. That one had been a doozy.

“It’s not about—” Maude just kept rising. Her chest was red. Her neck. Her jaw. She sputtered a bit more. “I—it has nothing to do with who’s fucking who!”

She blew.

It was a glorious sight.

The red went to her forehead.

Aunt Bess griped, “Then what’s it got to do with? We don’t know our nephew. We felt like it was wrong to reach out to him, and that’s on you. You don’t want us in your life, in your kids’ lives. You never see us. You never come on holidays. The few times we do see you, it’s like talking to a damned rock trying to find out anything about you, about your boy, about your girls. I’ve not seen my other two nieces in twelve years.”

“No.” Clara corrected her, shaking her head. “We went shopping that one time in Missoula.”

“That’s right. It’s been four years since I saw your girls and another eight before that. You’re their mother. You set the tone. I’ve been asking for the last three years for their addresses so I could send a Christmas card their way. You always ‘forget.’” She harrumphed. “Bullshit. You just don’t want us to be a part of our nieces’ and nephew’s lives.”

“It’s—” Maude kept shaking her head, her eyes shining again. She looked like she was struggling to speak.

I felt a little bad. I felt part of this was my fault.

She choked out, “You’re all adults. You can—” She waved a hand around the room, really trying to hold back her tears, but they trickled down.

There was a scraping sound at the back door, and a bark that followed.

My mom crossed the room to let Bear and Pooh inside. They scampered around, saying their hellos to everyone before going to the water bowl.

Oliver moved to the kitchen and a rustling sound was soon heard. The crinkle of dog food being poured into a bowl. He put the dog food away before returning to Graham’s side, taking his hand in his and gripping it tightly.

Maude drew in a sharp breath, saying so tightly, her voice strained, “I’ve never meant to keep anyone away from each other. I swear. It’s . . .”

“What?” Aunt Bess moved her way, her voice sharp. “It’s what?”

“It’s . . .” Aunt Maude stopped trying to fight the tears from falling. She let them fall, her eyes opening wide, and she motioned around the room. “It’s you guys.”

The sisters all shared a look.

“It’s Mom and Dad.” Her voice broke. “It was Mom and Dad.”

I lowered my head, and then felt a glass of something being pushed into my hand. A warm arm slid over my shoulders as another warm body pressed up on my other side. Graham and Oliver had come to stand beside me as Oliver had made me a drink.

I whispered, “Thanks.” It was pink and green and looked like a real-life watermelon, just liquid and in a glass. “It’s real pretty.”

Graham snorted.

Oliver snickered, leaning into my other side. “I tripled the booze.”

I said it again, breathless, “Thank you.”

Both laughed quietly.

I took a sip, and almost moaned because it was sooo good, but all four sisters were finally talking. To each other. (To clarify.)

My mom said, “What do you mean by that? It was Mom and Dad? They’ve been gone for years.”

Maude sighed, blinking back tears. Her whole chest deflated. “Mom—she told me to go. Said for me not to come back. I . . . I took that literally. I was hurting. My pride—I was so stubborn. I was wrong to be so stubborn.” Her eyes held to her son, misery and guilt shining.

“What did you fight about?” Bess’s voice quieted, calming down. A twinge of pity crossed her face. “Mom and Dad weren’t perfect, but I can’t imagine Mom would kick you out.”

“She did. She, uh, she didn’t want to hear something I had to say.”

Oh no. A new bad feeling was sneaking into my gut, settling there.

“What did you tell her?” Clara rasped out, demanding. A bit rough.

“I told her . . .” More tears trickled down Aunt Maude’s face. “I told her a teacher touched me—”

My mom gasped.

“Oh, no,” Bess said under her breath.

Maude finished, faintly, “—Mom didn’t want to hear it. She told me I was lying, but I would not go back to that school.”

“That’s when you dropped out.” My mom again, softly. “You moved after that.”

Maude hung her head, not looking at anyone. “I’m fine with, you know. What he did, it wasn’t that bad, but it would have gotten worse. Mom didn’t want to deal with it. She wanted me to apologize to him for making up that lie. I wasn’t lying. I—I vowed then and there I was done with the family. I’m sorry.”

My heart broke. For her. For the years of separation that started from that day on.

Graham whispered to me, “I never met Grandma and Grandpa. What were they like?”

Graham knew. This, what his mom just shared, it wasn’t a secret to him.

I said back, “You knew?”

“Our grandparents?”

“No. What she just said.”

“Oh.” A shadow crossed his face before he blinked it away, some wetness appearing in its wake. “Yes. She’s always advocated that we respect our boundaries around people. She explained the reasons why. It broke my heart knowing what happened to her, but I didn’t know the part about Grandma. I didn’t know it was the reason for all of this. I . . .” His voice grew hoarse. “Were they like that? Grandma and Grandpa?”

I met my mom’s gaze. She’d overheard us, and she drew in a sad smile. She said for me, “They were, yes.”

Graham and Oliver looked her way. The rest quieted.

My mom added, “I don’t like to speak ill of the dead, but they weren’t understanding. I had no idea something happened to my sister, but I knew I didn’t quite trust my little girl around them. We kept away to protect Sawyer. Then they passed and I didn’t see a reason to talk about that, about them.” She glanced in Maude’s direction. “I regret that now. I wished I’d known, Maude.”

“It’s not . . . It’s not just that. I’m okay. I really am. I healed from what that teacher did. Got counseling, but Mom and Dad have been gone. I could’ve come back. I—just—” Maude spoke again. “I’m not like the three of you. I don’t fit in. I never have been—”

Phyllis murmured, “Oh, Maude. I’m so sorry—”

“Don’t sorry her!” Clara’s voice hitched high. “I’m sorry for what happened to you. I am. And I’m going to want his name, but if I’d known back then, I would’ve done something. To the teacher, to Mom. It wouldn’t have flown if I’d known, but they’ve been gone for years. You stayed away. We’re all different. I mean, look at me, for one. I’m not supposed to fit in. That’s what the rest of the world tells me. Kum-bay-fucking-yah. You think most people look at me and think, ‘Yeah, her. I’m going to only include her.’ News flash: None of us are those types of people.”noveldrama

Aunt Bess was nodding with everything Clara was saying. “You decided to stay away.”

“If anyone doesn’t fit in, it’s Phyllis.” Clara gestured to my mom, her voice rising. “Look at her. She’s churchy and pretty and she cares what people think of her. She’s the one that fits in with the world, but shouldn’t fit in with us.”

My mom was nodding also, blinking back tears until that. “Wait. What? Are you saying I don’t fit in? That’s—I fit in. I—I—that’s my problem, I fit in so much. I’m trying not to fit in so much.” A sheen of sweat formed on her forehead.

This whole mending conversation was going sideways. I cocked my head, wondering if I should say something, steer it back.

Clara puffed up her chest. “I love you, Phyll, but get over it. You fit in with society. I don’t.” She motioned toward Maude and Bess. “We don’t. We don’t uphold society’s beauty standards. That’s just one of the ways. I’m loud. I want my opinion heard. No one’s going to tell me to be quiet. I’m a big woman.”

Bess spoke up. “You’re curvy. Like me.”

Clara threw her a look. “I’m tough. That’s what I care about. I don’t give a fuck if my arms aren’t twigs. I got personality. I got a good sense of don’t fuck with me. And I can take care of shit. No one messes with me. That’s what I like. And I like me. The world looks at me and tells me that I’m not supposed to like me, but fuck ’em. I do. It’s my life. I live it how I want to. No one else does. I’m good with that.”

“Me too.” Bess shared a smile with Clara. “I think I might want to marry again. I tried it once, but he wasn’t the one for me. I’ve been eyeing that Joe fellow.”

Clara raised her chin up. “The one who runs the farming equipment store in town?”

“That’s the one. He has coffee down at Bear Paws Coffee. I see him every morning. We’ve started sitting together and doing crossword puzzles. I like him. I let him fing—”

“Oh! No. Please, Aunt Bess.” Graham’s hold on me tightened. He looked a little green around his mouth. “Can we—” He coughed, clearing his throat.

I spoke up, letting myself enjoy this. “I don’t think we need to hear the details, but good for you, Aunt Bess.” I gave her a thumbs-up.

Clara started laughing. “Anyways. We’re all weird. It’s how we are. I don’t give a fuck. You shouldn’t either, Maude. You can’t keep away from us. Not anymore.” She motioned to where I stood with Graham and Oliver. “We met your boy and his husband. The cousins have teamed up together. It’s only a matter of time before Sawyer gets back and hunts down your other girls—”

“And Blake,” Maude interjected.

Blake. My heart took a dip.

We’d left her behind. Left Jake behind.

But he’d be okay. I was trying to tell myself that.

He knew what he was doing.

I needed to trust him . . .

This time right now was precious. It was one of the reasons I came.

“That girl will be fine.” My mom was trying to reassure me, eyeing me.

I tried to give her a smile, but it fell.

“We’ll give it some time and look her up. We’ll reach out. Everything will be fine, honey. I know things have been stressful, but honey, we’ll make a list. Write down everything that needs to be done. Cross it out as we accomplish it. Okay?”

“That’s a great idea, Aunt Phyllis.”

She gave Graham a warm smile. “Thank you, honey. You have no idea how stressful the wedding’s been with Beck—” She stopped talking, remembering all of a sudden the reason that set all of this off. “Oh, honey. I’m so sorry.”

I was good with letting it go. I wanted to see what happened.

I leaned heavily against Oliver and Graham, giving her a wave. “No problem, Mom. I’m all good about that situation. When we get back, I’ll need to hand in my resignation, if Beck hasn’t officially fired me. And kick him out of my house. Though, I’m hoping he’s living with Manda now since I guess they got married.”

All other conversations stopped.

Their attention swung my way.

I held up my watermelon drink. It was almost all gone.

“House?” My mom’s voice cracked, but it was sharp. Correction, it was pissed off. My mom was pissed off. “House? That’s your house?”

Oh . . . I forgot. “Yeah.” I gave them a weak smile. “Oops. We never told anyone because of Beck’s ego and all, but yeah. It’s my house. I bought it.”

Someone sucked in some air.

“Is it in your name?” Oliver asked me, still hugging me.

I nodded, some pride filling my chest. “Beck was ticked about that, but I bought it. The mortgage is in my name. The title is in my name. It’s all mine. None of it is his.”

A new calculating gleam came over Oliver and he shared a secretive smile over my head. He squeezed me to his chest. “Please, Sawyer. Please let me help you with this. I would love nothing more than to help draft a letter that you can give to your ex. He will be packed and out of that house within half a day. I love doing this sort of thing.” He waited, brimming with excited energy.

Graham whispered in my ear, “He had an ex before me that was a freeloader. This is his thing. He’s helped some of our other friends in similar situations.”

“I—” I gave Oliver a smile. “Sure. I mean, why not. I’d love the help.”

His eyes got so big, delighted. “I’m going to start now.”

“Wait.” I caught him before he rushed off and held out my now-empty glass. “Can you make another? Before you go and do your thing?”

“Oh.” He laughed, taking the glass. “Of course.” He went over to the liquor cabinet, the back of his ears a little red.

Without Oliver on my other side, Graham pulled me so my front was into his side, as if he were happy to have me all to himself. He spoke over my head, his breath teasing my forehead. “So have the four of you figured your shit out? Because, Mom, I’ve not pushed getting to know my family. I did that mostly because it was exhausting to ask you how my aunts and my cousin were doing. You never wanted to talk about them so I let it go. When I moved out here, I was all about my life being here and then I was all about Oliver. When I got older, with the distance it was easier to let it go, but not anymore. Sawyer came here for me. My aunts have all come here. Stayed at my house. I love you, Mom, but the separation ends here. No matter what is resolved, or if you decide to fall back on old habits, I’m going to have a relationship with them.”

She returned, “I would never ask you not to have a relationship with them. I never did.”

Graham said, a little more tender, “But you’re my mom. You set the tone. I was doing what I thought you wanted. I didn’t want to open old wounds.”

She was blinking back some tears. “I never meant to be a block between you or my girls and the rest of the family. It’s been me. It’s just how I am. I’ve always struggled letting people in. I learned not to open up to people. Mostly they don’t want to hear what you have to say unless it goes along with the status quo. Whatever’s convenient, but I’m not convenient. I know this about me. But I never wanted that to affect you or your sisters. I’m sorry for that. I really am. I—it just felt safer to stay away.” She lowered her head, her shoulders pulling in. “I need to work on that.”

No one said anything at first.

The sisters all shared a look except for Bess. She was staring right at Maude’s bent head and after she pressed her lips together in a flat line, she said loudly, “You damn well will work on that.”

Maude’s head jerked up.

Bess motioned to herself and Clara. “Tough shit if you think we’re going to let you stay away now. Bad habit is what your son said, but our habit is to get involved. We’re not great with boundaries. We’ll work on that, but knowing now what happened to you, good luck keeping us away. We bulldoze over the ones we love with our love.” She paused, frowning. “That doesn’t sound right. You know what I mean.”

Clara said to Graham, “You don’t need to worry about your mom staying away. She’s a few hours away. We’ll make it a weekly thing, just show up at her house with our suitcases. I have good people skills. I’ll make friends with her neighbors, have them report to me how she’s doing if she stops taking my calls. I ain’t above using trackers on vehicles. We got your mom.”

Graham’s arm tightened around me. His chest rose. “I love hearing everything about that.”

Bess was just as sharp, saying, “You shouldn’t, because we’re nosy. Said it once, but it bears saying again.”

“Yep.” Clara nodded.

“You’re in the fold now, Graham. You and Oliver.” Bess wasn’t done. “You’re going to look back on these past years with fondness because you’ll miss the lovely boundaries and privacy you had. We don’t operate like that.”

“Not one bit.” Clara had gotten a drink somehow and held her glass up.

“And we do it because we love you, but—uh—we’re going to smother you with our aunt love.”

“Prepare for that shit.” Clara tipped her head back and guzzled half her drink.

Oliver’s eyes went so wide. “No—I—oh dear.”

My mom burst into tears, and she headed right for me. “You did this.” She burrowed into me. I wrapped my arms around her, and Graham put a hand on her back. She choked out, “Thank you for coming here and doing this and bringing Graham back into the family, and my sister. I—”

She couldn’t breathe. She was crying so hard.

It’s where I got that too. I patted her back, saying, “Pull back some of those emotions, Mom. You can’t breathe and cry. The universe wanted you to pick a lane and keep with it.” And since we always needed to breathe, the decision was forced. I was giving the universe a side-eye. Just a little one, because I still needed some help from it.

My mom softened on her sniffles, but stayed burrowing into my chest.

I looked around the room.

Maude was smiling, faintly. She’d migrated closer to Clara and Bess.

I wasn’t so worried about the family anymore.

“Sawsaw.”

I glanced in Bess’s direction.

“When your man shows up, you’ll need to get that Blake girl’s information. The sooner she realizes she’s been unofficially adopted into the family, the better. We’re not letting that one go, despite the lunatic attached to her hip. If she’s worried about him, we’ll handle him just fine. He can’t push his way around Bear Creek.”

Lunatic. Jake. Blake.

I pulled Mom back to me and tightened my hold. This time, I burrowed my head into her neck.

Please, Universe. Bring me back my man, breathing and all in one piece.

I needed to tell him that I loved him too.