Maid for the Mafia

**ROMANY**

It's in the early a.m. hours when we finally land in Auckland and I'm forced to drag my sorry ass off the jet. Much like the time I rode with Mickey to his place, a car waits for us at the end of the runway. To my surprise, Anna joins us. Anna, and a tall lean, Feelgood machine. The pilot, Santos' friend.

He's six four with perfect hair and one gold hoop in his ear. And the smile he gives us tells me he knows it. I immediately dislike him.

Anna and I load up in the back and Santos heads up front with the pilot, Santos getting behind the wheel.

"Wow," I say in shock. "You can drive?"

Santos laughs. "I'll let you in on a secret. I *prefer* to drive. Some might even call me Andretti."

My jaw drops. "That was *you?* You're the one that picked me up?"

Santos smiles at me in the rearview mirror. "Correct."

I shoot Anna a look. "Seatbelt, girl, trust me."

She laughs, but does as told and when we're finally on the road, heading through a stretch of the most beautiful hills I have ever seen, the pilot turns to face me.

"So you're the one, eh? The golden goose."

"Pardon me?" I quip, glaring.

"The name is Jeime. I hope you like massages and lavender oil."

"You're not touching me," I say smoothly, fixing my gaze out the window as we grow nearer to the beach.

"No. I'm not," Jeime agrees. "But I would so appreciate *you* touching *me*. I just flew that damn, iet halfway around the world without a wink of sleep. I could use a massage and I only like a woman's touch."

"Pass," I retort.

"Suit yourself," Jeime says with mock sadness. "I had a surprise for you and everything..."

Santos laughs. "Shut-the-fuck-up Jeime. That girl's got enough men nipping at her heels as it is. Leave her be or I'll send you home."

Jeime sighs, "You never let me have any fun. What good is it to be your friend if you don't even bring me any pussy from time to time. You're the big dog, eh! You always get pussy. Me? Not so much."

Santos shrugs, "It is not my fault you were only born with half a penis. Blame your mother. I heard she was cursed."

"Fuck you, eh? My dick is bigger than yours is, fool, and you know it."

Santos chuckles, "I'm sure it is, in your dreams. Or when you're holding a photo of my naked ass and comparing it to your two inch thimble, but side to side, you know better. Drink your milk, Jeime, I keep telling you. You've got to drink your milk."

"Fuck you, I hate milk," Jeime says.

"Yeah? Well, it shows. Or rather, it *doesn't.*

Anna and I exchange a look, both of us straining to hold in our laughter.

Jeime flips down his visor and winks at Anna. "How 'bout you, blondie? I'm like a Jacknoveldrama

in the Box, you wind me up, I pop right out."

*Oh my God.*

"You pay cash?" Anna asks, flashing him a bright smile.

He grins. "I've got something better than cash."

Anna rolls her eyes. "No thanks. I'm on medication."

Jeime's smile grows wider. "For what, baby? Crazy? That's okay. I like a little spice in my life."

Anna replies, "Nope. Chlamydia."

"Oh hell no. Damn!" Jeime's visor goes back up and Anna and I burst into laughter.

Santos meets my eyes in the mirror again. "See how thoughtful I am? I even bought you a playmate."

I give him the finger, but can't help the grin that stretches across my face. I almost can't believe that this man is the 'dreaded' Santos. The man that so many others fear. Either my cousin really did a number on him, or he's more like Ruby than I thought, and leads two lives completely separated from each other. It almost makes me want to ask if I can call her. My cousin.

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Something was telling me, he won't let me. Not to be mean, but just to be careful. But I'm going to ask him anyway. I'm just not going to do it *now.*

We drive on for the next hour in silence, passing cute little towns and hillside cafes, when Santos suddenly turns right onto what looks like a private driveway, dawn has come and gone and the view of the landscape is spectacular.

We're high on the hillside so when I look out the window, all I can see is beautifully combed sand and teal blue waves. A three story cottage sits on a deck above the water like a palace of the sea. There are no other houses around. No people. No stores. Just sunshine, ocean, sea breeze, and green.

"Oh my goodness," I gush, rolling down the window on my side. "It's fucken beautiful out here."

"You like it?" Santos asks, as we roll slowly toward a structure built next to a fifteen foot staircase. "I haven't been here in a while, but I had the place stocked and cleaned over a week ago. "There are five bedrooms. You ladies are free to choose either of the two on the third floor. Jeime always takes the same room on the second floor so he can masturbate as loudly as he wants to, and everyone within earshot can hear him-"

"Fuck you! I do not! Can they really?"

Santos goes on, "The master is on the first. That's mine. I'd offer it, but it's the first point of contact, and in the event that we have company-" again he meets my eyes "- I'll need to be in position to intercept."

"Company?" Jeime quips, staring oddly at the front windows of the house.

Santos groans, "Yes, Jeime. Company."

"I hate to bust your balls Ant, but it looks like we've already *got* company."

Santos' head whips around at the same time a slightly familiar looking man with a black ponytail and three gold teeth comes sauntering down the steps smiling at Santos as if they're old friends.

"Someone told me I might find you here," the man says, eyes flicking toward me for the briefest moment before returning to Santos. "It's been too long, cousin. I've missed you."